Enumeration BRIAN DOYLE
21 laws of nature as interpreted
by my children
1.If you shake hands with an evergreen tree and the branch
bites you, that’s a spruce.
2.Insects rule the world, but hey don’t talk about it.
3.The reason the ocean is salty is because all the animals
have been peeing right in it since
before there was even any time.
4.One of our grandmothers is dead, and now she is
5.Dad says all beings are holy in the same proportions,
except the Los Angeles Lakers,
who are demonic.
6.The best way to eat a worm is to have another kid do it.
7.A shrew is like a mouse with a bad temper.
8.Dad says every time you go for a walk in the woods you
ought to get credit for a full day
9.Anyone who thinks people are cooler than animals
should remember that a lot of
animals can eat people.
10. The reason that scrub jays and conifer jays bicker all
the time is because they love each
11. The way to tell a mammal from an amphibian
12.Mom says camping is a way to see God up close,
but Dad says God loves us and
wants us to shower daily and sleep
in a bed.
13.Plants are smart because they can eat sunlight and
14.Dad says people still kill whales for money even
though whales have languages
15.If you find poop in the woods and it’s tiny round
balls, it’s a rabbit. If the balls are
larger, it is a deer or elk. If they
are really large, you should come
16.Eagles can see so well they can see what you
17.Dad says evolution is working to make us less
violent and make animals more
18. The more money you have, the less you pay
attention to plants and birds.
19.Dad says some kinds of trees can drink clouds.
20.If you can’t make a new ant, don’t kill an old one.
21.If you are really sad, go utside and you will feel
better after about an hour.
What funny things have you overheard
kids say about nature? Tell us at